Blasted cramps

Lucky creatures, who’ve never experienced the misery of excruciating contractions of their left calf muscle or elsewhere, cannot imagine how insanely painful they are.

To strong-hand the misbehaving muscle into submission, put your heel on the floor and firmly grab your toes with your hand (or a towel wrapped around your foot) to gently pull them towards you.

Make a loose fist and press it into the epicentre of the cramp for 10 seconds, release for 10 seconds, then press again and repeat several times. The experience is no fun, but it’s not unbearable either. The poor traumatised calf should relax but will remain rather painful for a few days.

If, in spite of these awesome first aid tips, you are still in agony and willing to try anything to stop the pain, grab a jar of pickled gherkins – or any other pickles at hand – and pour yourself 10 cl of the acetic liquid. Take a deep breath and bravely drink it all up.

American scientists proved that this old woman’s recipe works like a charm. 

No gherkins? No worry! A bottle of Tonic water will do the trick, thanks to the quinine in it.

You can also ask your significant other to concoct a magic electrolyte potion for you. He needs to dilute ¼ teaspoon of soda bicarb (aka baking soda), ¼ teaspoon of salt, 1 teaspoon of vinegar and 1 tablespoon of sugar in a large glass of mineral water – fizzy or flat, cold or warm. Work up the courage to swill down this unusual cocktail. Your taste buds won’t enjoy it, but your poor leg will.

After the taming of the muscle, to prevent further painful outbreaks, mount an anti-cramp campaign. Doctors still don’t know for sure what causes nocturnal leg cramps. They theorize that your body is probably yearning for water, magnesium, potassium, or/and calcium. Coconut water or a banana will help replenish these compounds within 10 minutes. Add some homeopathy: Cuprum metallicum 9c and Nux vomica 9c, 3 pillules 3 times per day for 1 month.


You’ll find other fabulous cramp fighting recipes in

Vinaigres à tout faire